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Don’t overcommit yourself: Just say ‘no’
By Barbara Poole
My client Sally is a variety junkie. She prides herself on her ability to multitask and process information about numerous different projects simultaneously.
It’s not unusual to see Sally juggling her Blackberry, laptop and cell phone all at the same time, attending to issues that involve three different clients.
When she started her IT consulting business, one of the things that attracted Sally was the notion that every day would be different from the one before.
She was seduced by the idea of working for herself, being out and about, and being in a position to interact with different players on various developments throughout her workweek.
She was not intimidated by the reality of having to work long hours or by the need to put in weekends to get the job done.
Fast-forward to three years later, and Sally is beginning to feel like she’s drowning.
Her workload has doubled in size, and she has traded feeling restless and ready for a new challenge for feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. On the one hand, she’s delighted that her hunches paid off so well and the IT arena has been a busy and lucrative place. But that feeling is overshadowed by an immense sense of pressure that stems from trying to figure out how to juggle everything that is now on her plate.
I can so relate to Sally’s plight. As one who is perennially interested in new things, I have a huge tendency to bite off more than I can chew. The word “Yes!” flows completely naturally from my mouth when I’m presented with an opportunity to do something that seems new and interesting.
And it’s only after I realize what this addition will mean to my already-full schedule that I begin to wonder whether I should have been more careful with what I agreed to.
Perhaps I find myself coaching Sally now as living testimony to the notion that we teach that which we most need to learn.
In any event, there are a few important lessons I’ve been able to both glean for myself and share with Sally that I would offer to you here-just in case you, too, are one of those folks who has a habit of becoming buried by the multitude of things you have taken on:
• Manage your attraction to novelty. What is new and different is not necessarily what represents the most interesting work for you. Novelty fades quickly. Make sure there is an appeal that extends beyond just new and different. And be especially clear on the distinction between “more” and “better.” Quality of experience is not a function of the number of projects you have spinning at any one time.
• Define how much of yourself you’re willing to give. The ability to draw clear boundaries is essential for someone with a serious habit of saying “Yes.” Sometimes those boundaries are defined by hours, as in, “I’m not willing to work more than 50 hours a week.” Sometimes they’re defined by the circumstances that would surround potential projects. For example, you might want to draw the line at commitments that would require giving up flexibility in your professional life that allows you to take an occasional afternoon off to play golf or head to the beach.
• Don’t be a kid in a candy shop. When you’re approaching a situation that you know will offer the opportunity to jump into new projects, clients or volunteer activities, have some idea of what would fit for you before you look at the menu.
Resist the tendency to respond simply by virtue of what captures your eye and looks interesting in the moment.
• Understand fully what you’re getting into before you commit. Projects are like sponges. They have a way of expanding once they get wet and people start actually working them. Be realistic about the time and energy requirements involved before you take them on.
• Pull in partners. While I understand the seduction of wanting to be the lone ranger on a project that could put your name in bright lights, I know that sometimes it is really difficult to sustain those commitments. When you see that a project has the potential to grow tentacles and become much bigger than you bargained for, pull in people who can help you get the job done.
Go for the gusto in your work, but remember that you are just one person and you can’t do it all. Gauge the size and number of your projects from the outset and your life will be much easier.
Barbara Poole is a leadership and career development coach with Charleston-based Success Builders, Inc. Contact her at coachbarbra@successbuildersinc.com.
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