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How are you limiting yourself?
By Barbara Poole
Career Coach
I want to ask you a couple of rather ambitious questions for an 800-word column: What’s possible in your career and in your life, and how are you limiting yourself with respect to achieving those possibilities?
Now before we begin, I have to confess that when I considered writing this article, part of me said, “No way can you do justice to big questions like that in a one-page format.” And then I thought to myself, “Isn’t that exactly the point?”
Self-limiting behavior is about saying “No way!” to what you’d really like to create in your own life. We all do it, and we do it unconsciously, so relax, you’re among friends. The challenge is to shed light on those patterns that have you getting in your own way, so that you can shift gears to change them.
What are some of the signs of self-limiting patterns? Consider these behaviors, which may indicate that you’ve placed a lid on personal potential:
• Having difficulty getting started on new projects or directions.
• Feeling overwhelmed.
• Creating a lot of “to do” lists, but getting very little actually done.
• Blaming others for perceived misfortune.
• Complaining. About people, circumstances, issues, the unfairness of life, etc.
• Spending a lot of time dreaming up good ideas, but failing to follow through on them.
• Worrying about what others will think.
• Feeling frustrated by things that seem “beyond your control.”
• Suffering from an acute case of analysis paralysis.
• Saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Experiencing difficulty recalling the last time you were really excited about life and its possibilities.
In human psychology, one of the important principles underlying habitual patterns is that behavior that continues is, in some way, being reinforced. So, although intellectually we might want to think otherwise, there’s a payoff for self-limiting behavior.
It goes something like this: If I don’t expect too much of myself, I can stay in my comfort zone, minimize my risk of failure, avoid conflict, circumvent some really hard work and pretty much keep everyone happy.
You get the picture: safe, but boring. And incredibly unfulfilling.
What lies at the root of this kind of behavior pattern is typically a system of self-limiting beliefs. This shows up in the messages we say to ourselves that get programmed into what we assume to be the limits on our capabilities. For example:
• I’m too old to change careers.
• I don’t have enough education to pursue what I’m really interested in.
• The timing is not right because (choose as many as apply): A. The economy is in bad shape; B. There’s not much demand for my skill set; C. My experience is too limited; D. The competition is too fierce and there are a ton of people out there who can do what I do better; E. All of the above.
• I don’t really have anything special to offer.
• I’m saddled with responsibilities and I don’t have the luxury of worrying about what I really want to do.
What would you add to this list? It’s clear that if we want to shift away from self-limiting behavior, we need to start by shifting the beliefs that have caused it to develop in the first place. One of my favorite childhood stories is “The Little Engine That Could.” You’ll recall the little engine’s mantra, “I think I can, I think I can, I’ll try with all my might,” as it went chugging uphill, a little bit at a time, with a smile on its face. Imagine what we could accomplish if we all approached life this way.
I want to leave you with three key questions to ponder as you consider how self-limiting patterns may be showing up in your life:
1. What would you begin pursuing if you knew you couldn’t fail?
2. How would your behavior change if you truly believed that you deserve to be successful?
3. What are two specific and tangible steps, however big or small, that you could take, starting this week, to begin moving in that direction?
Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
Go for it. The sky’s the limit.
Barbara Poole is a leadership and career development coach with Success Builders Inc. E-mail her at coachbarbara@successbuildersinc.com.
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